|
A total of 62 entries were received on the theme NO FIXED ABODE. At least a dozen gave this as a title for their stories. I really expected entrants to make up their own titles. Several did not put their story title on the cover sheet. Many wrote about tramps and cats when I was hoping that a bit more imagination would have been used. I have selected the best 18 entries to give a brief critique to and the shortlist will be selected from these. The postie told me on dec 2nd that 2 A4 size envelopes for me had insufficient postage so I refused them as I really did not want to pay £1.10 each for them. Please try to use A5 size envelopes.
A lot fitted into Grace Murray's tale about a young man who married for money and regretted it. Grace came second in the previous comp.
Peter McCarron told of a tramp who hated giving no fixed abode as his address.
Sue Doyle wrote about an ex who was spotted begging in the underpass and she, on the spur of the moment, took him home. Nice writing style.
Holly Reynolds used just one para for her 290 words about speeding vehicles. Different and funny.
Jane Pratt submitted a well written tale about a ghost who had apparently been a murder victim.
Lorna D'Alton told an unusual tale about a school housemaster who turned a blind eye to his pupils cannabis growing.
Harry Pope's tale of a pair of seagulls was offbeat and amusing.
Jay Haworth told of a couple who disliked vagrants so much that they dumped their trussed up bodies in the local marina.
Jane Grimshaw wrote about Rebecca who was the other love in a guy's life.
Michael John took an unusual viewpoint and was tautly written.
Heather Parker's story was nearly all dialogue which made a change as some wrote without using any.
Susan Fixter omitted any quotation marks but I still followed her tale of an awkward doorstepper.
Linda Burnett wrote about a man at a crossroads after his nan died and was fast paced.
Andrew Campbell-Kearsey told of a fraudster who was eventually found out.
Linda Mallinson's ghost story had some humorous dialogue.
Henrietta McKervey wrote about a bride who could not face her wedding ceremony. Pity she did not include a reason as I liked her style.
Tracy Fells had a beggar story with the beggar depending on his dog to elicit sympathy.
Marion Clarke wrote well about a wayward son who turned up in an unusual place.
The follwing seven entries, in no particular order, have been shortlisted.
"Rich Pickings" by Grace Murray of Forfar, Angus was about upwardly mobile George who married for money but was chucked out by his missus after he turned up drunk at his true love's wedding. A lot of plot crammed into 300 words and easy to follow.
"Paul" by Sue Doyle of Canterbury, Kent told of a woman who found her ex begging in the underpass. This story flowed and the outcome was that she asked him to come home with him.
"Trolleypowered" by Holly Reynolds of Sale, Cheshire had 290 words in just one para. DVLA worker Henrietta dealt with difficult to identify speeding offenders caught on camera. But one particular speedster got away. He was going downhill on a supermarket trolley. Unusual and nicely written and funny but do not send me a 500 word entry for the next comp in a single para.
Susan Fixter of Newark, Notts submitted "Middle of the Day" which was an immediate candidate for the longlist when I first read it. I ignored the absence of quotation marks as the story just carried on effortlessly. A woman answers the door to be confronted by a shady character who trys to blag his way in.
"The Big Day" by Henrietta McKervey of Dublin told of a would-be bride who legged it on her big day. the focus of the tale was her conversation with a young boy she met on her getaway train. I enjoyed reading it.
Marion Clarke of Warrenpoint, County Down wrote "Home For Comfort." Good writing style. A mother's wayward son turns up in a shop doorway but she passes by.
Andrew Campbell-Kearsey, who was also shortlisted in the previous comp, sent "Taking Sanctuary" which was about a lady who was mistaken for a donkey sanctuary owner and cheques were diverted to her. Thumbs up to a humorous writer.
RESULT IS AS FOLLOWS: Third prize of 10 Euro goes to Henrietta McKervey.
Second prize of £15 goes to Holly Reynolds.
The first prize of £35 goes to Susan Fixter and here is her story exactly as she submitted it.
Middle of the Day
There's a knock at the door. It's the middle of the day. The man in the porch - green t-shirt, blue jeans, restless, skittering eyes - says he's looking for someone. An address he gabbles at me, then. Oh, I say, it's quite near here. Someone told me it was, he says. I thought I might have passed it, it's a long road, this one. It is, I say, but if you turn right here and then left just past the shops you're there. Great, he says, that's great. thanks. He looks up the street. I make to close the door. Only he told me it wasn't far and I've been walking for ages and I thought I must have passed it, he says again, not looking at me.
It's the middle of the day. I notice it's quite in the street.
Well it's not far, I say. His eyes flick past me into the house.He sees that I see him do this. He's close to the door. He knows I know, and he knows I know he knows. I go on talking faster than I ought. It's a big estate this one, I say, easy to get lost in, people do sometimes. It might be he doesn't live here anymore, he says, and puts one dirty boot over the threshold so it's half inside my kitchen. I pretend not to notice. You say he might have moved, maybe that's so, people do, a lot these days, but it's worth a try, I say, with rictus smile, prattling. He sweats; his eyes search inward.
A long second goes by.
The boot edges back some.
Yes, he says, I'll do that.
Before he reaches the gate I've locked the door, am shaking, breathing hard, am leaning up against it, wrecked.
|