|
The first flash fiction comp closed on July 31, 2010. A total of 18 entries were received. 15 from the UK and one each from Ireland, Serbia and the Czech Republic. The number was lower than expected. It seems hard to give my money away. The low number means I have space to give each a brief critique. Most used first class stamps which seems a waste(unless last minute) so humour me by using second class and C5 size envelopes. A couple of entrants did not put their story title on the cover sheet while three put their name on the story page. Another used a staple. The story had to include a purse or wallet, maximum 250 words. So here is my opinion in no particular order.
LOST & FOUND by Steve Myers told of a lady(I presume) being handed a wallet by a man who found it near her. This was neat and concise with a little twist at the end and makes THE SHORTLIST.
IN THE WOODS by Grace Murray was about two teenagers who absconded from an institution. Grace had another 35 words which she could have used to add more detail but her effort makes THE SHORTLIST.
KATE'S SURPRISE by Catherine Talbot This story about a purse with a genie left me a bit puzzled.
MORAL DILEMNA by Claire Bowles was about the finder of an expensive looking purse who contemplates keeping it until an onlooker stares disapprovingly. Good writing.
ANOTHER FRIDAY NIGHT by Samantha Dickson was about a mugger who got what he deserved. This was a laugh but did not really grab me.
IN PURSUIT OF COMPURSE PERCIVAL by Dawn White is one to read aloud and was amusing although a bit farfetched.
MESSIN' WITH THE BIG BOYS by Debra Raine was about a couple of characters in an east end pub which could be developed further.
THE TOWER by Kay Ellis. A good effort. I felt that the word count was restrictive to Kay but she makes THE SHORTLIST..
ITS AND BUTS by Emma Ni Suatman . I thought things like changing drivers distracted from the story.
PAYBACK by Roger Barnett about a mercenary seemed to be the start of a longer tale.
HALF TICKET TO SUEZ by Peter Short.Too many commas, Peter. Too much told in a short piece and go easy on the exclamation marks when they are not required.
RESTITUTION by Robert Gregson was about a child who stole from his mother's purse and made amends annually since. Another one for THE SHORTLIST.
HOME TO HAPPINESS by Matthew Heath was obviously a first draft and told in a single paragraph including dialogue and sentences were too long. Please study a book of short stories.
THE SULTANA'S PURSE by Emma Holman-Daley was a bit rambling and more anecdotal than a fiction piece but good writing style.
THE ENGLISHMAN WHO REALISED ONE EVENING HE UNDERSTOOD SWEDISH by Andrew Campbell-Kearsey has to make THE SHORTLIST for the humour factor.
A CHANCE ENCOUNTER by Ashley Owen. A few entrants, including this one, had someone drop a wallet/purse in the street which was a bit predictable but her well written piece deserves to be in The SHORTLIST.
OPTIONS by Sylvia Teneva was about overhearing a conversation on a bus and more of an anecdote than a story.
AND... by Tatjana Debeljacki totally confused me and seemed to be about a hospital patient.
So the six shortlisted stories, in no particular order, are
LOST & FOUND by Steve Myers, Brighton.
IN THE WOODS by Grace Murray, Forfar.
THE TOWER by Kay Ellis, Leyland.
RESTITUTION by Robert Gregson, Angus.
THE ENGLISHMAN WHO.... by Andrew Campbell-Kearsey, Brighton.
A CHANCE ENCOUNTER by Ashley Owen, Bromley.
I have decided to split the prize fund of fifty pounds into a first prize of £30 and a second prize of £20. Cheques have been sent to to Kay Ellis who wins first prize and her story is shown below. Grace Murray gets second prize. Congratulations to both ladies.
The Tower by Kay Ellis
The first toll of the bell took his breath.
From the valley below, it carried the message he had expected, but not wished to believe. Judgement had been made and now five good men from his own village were facing the rope.
Jethro sat down in the hayfield, guts twisting. A fear escaped, clearing a pale rivulet through the dirt of his skin.
He could see below the dark tower that held them, a small crowd waiting silently before it.
He had known the five since childhood. They had sweated together through the harvests, shared their food, helped each other out when times were hard.
Jethro could make out the priest approaching the tower and saw the crowd move aside without laying a hand on him. They had yet to find out his part in it, that he was the one who had journeyed in person to the county elders and given up the five names. Now there would be a purse of gold for finishing the business.
The bell stopped. Jethro imagined young Tom - just turned twenty and courting a girl from the village - at the end of a rope, waiting, praying to God for courage.
And then, for one final time, the triumphant five rang their winning peal.
Jethro wiped away his tears of joy on a grubby sleeve before starting up the tractor. After thirty years of campanology contests, his very own village team were at last the crowned county champions.
##################################################################################
Kay Ellis is a computer teacher/hobby writer but also a solo backpacking oldie. She writes articles and fillers for magazines. She hopes to start a new career as a writer when she retires from teaching.
##################################################################################
|